cyachubbawubba

Week ??

2010-07-21T11:53:00.000-07:00

I haven't been here in a while - just being lazy, I guess.

It is week 17 or so by now - I've started my 2nd session and will weigh in tomorrow.
I'm banking on a bad weigh in - had 4 days off with husband & his family out of town. I tried to watch what I was doing - but hard to control. And to put the icing on the cake (literally), we're meeting my husband's aunt & uncle in... wait for it, wait for it... Amish country for dinner.

Yes, we are total fools in thinking we can weigh in tomorrow with Amish food in our bellies.
I'd rather meet with out of state relatives for dinner than worry about my weight tomorrow - so I'll go tonight - enjoy myself (not being a hero - just eating normal) - and I'll still go to ww and will have to swallow my pride when the scale is about 3 lbs more than last week.

oh well - the good news is that I wore a dress (size xxl, thank you very much) this weekend that I couldn't in years. Of course, after all that eating, it was feeling kinda tight. Back on the band wagon - after tonight, that is.

Weeks 8 & 9

2010-05-13T12:27:00.000-07:00

I guess I skipped a week - not at a weigh-in, just posting.
Being too lazy to go downstairs & check, I'm just going to post on today's news:
I lost again - so my total is 10.something. (see sentence above to see why it is 10.something).

I did manage to do well - the week started by skipping the meeting (I just weighed & dashed) and hit Der Dutchman w/ my parents. I'd like to think that the little Amish ladies use low-fat everything in their cooking... but I'd be foolish hoping. I ordered the broasted chicken & stuffing and the infamous salad bar. I brought my husband back 1 chicken breast and the stuffing. So I really only ate the salad bar and 1 piece of chicken. I guess I've learned a valuable lesson - never order the buffet. You have no idea how tight your pants will feel on the ride home. (plus, you can't bring home a piece of chicken & stuffing for your husband).

We also ate out on Friday night - Dog Heaven. And yes, I was in heaven. 50 toppings to choose for your hot dog and I'm in pure bliss. I managed to edit my choices to only mustard (yellow, of course), alien relish (green), dill pickle and cheese-wiz. I also had a micro-brew and a side of tator tots. Judge all you want, but it went very well with the polka music.

The following day, we went to, yup, you guessed it: Amish Country. Again - I ordered chicken & the salad bar - but got potatoes. I didn't eat any of the meal - brought it home for a nice lunch.

On Sunday, we hit Cracker Barrel for Mom's Day. I ordered egg beaters, turkey sausage & wheat toast. Pretty proud of myself on that one.

So with the food fest of last week - I still dropped over a pound. I'm getting better at this.

Week 7

2010-05-04T12:43:00.000-07:00

Quick and easy - home said I had stayed the same (crap) - but ww kept bouncing back & forth as a .2 or .4 loss - so they took off .4 lbs. Pathetic loss, but still a loss.

Week 6

2010-04-24T19:03:00.000-07:00

I did it - I managed to drop those effing extra freak pounds from this week. Both of us were up but the scale was my friend this week - my husband's scale at ww said he was up a pound. Stupid scales.

But my stupid scale at ww said I was down 1.4 - so I'll take it - especially with the freaky weird week on the scale.

Week 5.4

2010-04-19T07:27:00.000-07:00

I should really title today's post "WEAK 5.4".

I gained an effing pound for the weigh-in.
Yesterday, I was up another pound.
And this morning - I'm up THREE MORE?
What is going on? I don't think I could gain 3 pounds overnight if I tried (at least it would be fun).

I really don't understand what is going on. This is not the "plateau" - this is something else - and I don't know what to do. I can't just give up - because I'll end up looking like the photo in my 1st post, then divorced and will die with only cats loving me. Seriously - this is really depressing and I don't know what to do, other than starving for the next days until it comes off. This sucks and it makes me want to eat. Nice, vicious cycle, huh? Blah

Week 5

2010-04-19T07:24:00.000-07:00

Late posting - but here it is: I gained a damn pound. According to our home scale - I was only up 1/2.

I'm beginning to think the ww scale has it in for me. I didn't stay at this week's meeting - not in the mood. The pound up didn't help - neither did a sick kitty (she's ok - but I used her as my "excuse" of not staying).

Week 4

2010-04-13T17:22:00.000-07:00

Going to make this one short & sweet - I lost 3.8 lbs. So this basically means that I really lost the 3 lbs of bloating/fluids from my surgery AND .8 lbs. It seems like a lot, but not really. .8 isn't that much in a week, but it is still a loss.

Today is 2 days before the next weigh in and my stomach hurts - I ate a bag of steamed broccoli & cauliflower (with a 6 pt. lite mac and cheese) for lunch. And dummy me, ate some cucumbers at dinner... (along with 2 light hot dogs, veggies & dip, and cottage cheese). I "invented" a twist on a family recipe for cucumber salad - cucs, onion, light sour cream and vinegar. But instead of the vinegar I used a southern bbq vinegar sauce (hot). I didn't eat that many, but my stomach is telling me otherwise. Dessert looks like I'll have to skip the strawberries & cool-whip - Maalox, here I come!

Week 3.6

2010-03-31T17:57:00.000-07:00

For those (few) readers of this, you may have noticed a pattern: that I struggle each week. I went back to my old posts & saw that I was very repetitious in my weeks. Hard weeks and struggling seemed to find themselves in just about each post. And to keep up with my habits... tada!.. I had a very hard week.
And at least one of you may also have noticed that this is NOT week 4 (yet). It is the day before. And I'm posting ahead of time because I know the outcome. Wait for it, wait for it... I gained this week.
I really do have an excuse - other than jumping off the band wagon into a pile of cheese & peanut butter bliss. I really do.
I had out-patient surgery. And I'm bloated, gassy, and up about 3 pounds. (all effects of the surgery). I was told by my weight management nurse (who also had the pleasure of said surgery) to be prepared for a potential 5 lb gain. Ok , really? What the hell? In no way am I up 3 lbs in 1 day because of my food intake. Not fair & not cool. If I get to be up 3 lbs, then I should at least get to enjoy it - not be injected with anesthesia. hmmmph.
So, tomorrow, I was advised to just weigh in and take the hit. Mention to the ww staff my surgery and to also put it on my ww book. But I was also advised to show up and weigh in - so tomorrow I'll show up with my tail between my (sore) legs and take it like the gassy, bloated blob that I am.

Week 3

2010-03-25T15:35:00.000-07:00

This week was hard.... no idea why, too. I'm struggling with showing a loss about mid week - so I go into panic mode (aka starve). I know, it isn't good to do that, but that is what I did. Seriously, did I mention this week was hard?

2 days before weigh in I was up a half pound. ergh. And yesterday morning, I was up 1-1/2 pounds. what the hell? I know the bigger you are, the easier it is to drop/gain, but geeze. 1-1/2 pounds UP a day before weigh in? Really? It isn't like I scarfed down a bag of Cheetos or anything... so needless to say, I was ticked - but mostly down.

The expression "it gets harder when you get older" keeps haunting me - I always had youth on my side. I also had determination & dedication, too. (when I was on ww). If you tell me I can't do something - the hell I can't. But weight is something I've never been able to control. Never.

So something has to change. I love it when someone says "you've lost weight". And how clothes fit better, etc. Who doesn't? And I love being proud of myself - as it has always been a control thing. I've always felt that people look down on me/fellow big people as if we our out of control. Like a crack addict or an alcoholic - food is my drug of choice.

But what I've realized lately is that food isn't my best friend. In fact, it actually seems like more of an enemy. One that I have to get along with. Hard to do.

And I've also found that I feel full quickly, and don't like that feeling. My brain is saying "hey, you still have some food to eat" but my body isn't agreeing. A battle I'll have to figure out.

After struggling being up a pound and a half (ok, I'll admit it, not eating dinner last night) I was down that this morning. What happened magically overnight? How can I fluctuate 3 pounds in 24 hours? But I did. I was officially down 1.2 pounds at ww - so my total is now 7 lbs in 3 weeks. I've done better with ww, but I was heavier and younger, too. My husband didn't have a good weigh in today - but as a couple there is still less of us than last week.

This is why I have to go to ww...

2010-03-20T20:55:00.000-07:00

Week 2

2010-03-20T20:17:00.000-07:00

Let's face it - the easy road ended & it seems like it is all uphill from now on. In the snow. Both ways. You get the idea.
My second week on ww went reasonably well - but nothing was showing up on the scale. I admit, we enjoyed "fun food night", but neither of us went off the deep end.
I struggled* the weekdays most of all - no idea why. I just did. And it apparently showed on the scale. Two days before my weigh in, I was UP a pound. Really? That just put me in a bad mood and then made me sad. Then, a day before weigh in, I was exactly the same as the week before on the scale. Nice. This just sucked. So I hit it hard and hoped for the best. I confessed to my husband the night before that I was showing zero loss - he made me feel better that he had struggled all year, but lost 30 or so lbs. The "it is a marathon not a sprint" comment reminded me that he was also in the "race". I justified a zero loss in my head as I went to bed (hungry).
The morning of the weigh in, my scale said that I lost a pound overnight. (note: WHERE DOES IT GO?!) Knowing that I weigh in at home on my scale, naked means NOTHING when I'll have to weigh in at ww on 1 of 3 scales with clothes & shoes on. I swallowed my pride & went anyway - after all, being there is half the battle. I had hoped for a 1 lb loss, but the ww scale showed as only a .6 lb loss. Ugh - in a week I had managed to lose just over half a pound. Pathetic in my book. But I smiled as the staff still said - "good job" and "slowly but surely". So far, we've been "kinda" good, and I know I got all my water in today (ask my husband how annoying I was running to public bathrooms all day).

*sidebar: I also struggled with "girl stuff" this week (and it will also be an issue in the future) so I know that sabotaged at least .4 lbs. Stinks to be a girl sometimes.

Week 1

2010-03-11T18:46:00.000-08:00

This week wasn't nearly as hard as I had predicted. I have to admit I was sad and anxious before I began this new ww session. 1. I haven't been at this meeting place before and knew no one. And mostly because of 2. I had to say goodbye again to some bad (but fun/comforting habits).
I know - it is lame and dumb, but it is hard to let go of a "good friend" like Cheetos and cheese. They were always there for me when I needed them - but now I can't "need" them anymore.
Off the boo hoo story about me being sad about missing cheese...
So I go early to my first meeting. It is in a local Lutheran church in the basement. And by all the ww things all over the room - they either keep it full time for ww or they get there hours before to decorate. My guess is the first.
Because I was new, I had to fill out paperwork (again). There are two staff members. One that says "I lost 25 lbs in 1985" and the other is even earlier. These are hard core lifetime members. As I submitted my papers, I explained that I was new, but not really... that I had been on a year off due to my job... blah blah blah. Why I can't just go in there and be quiet - I'll never know. No, wait - I know. I just can't walk in and not tell them I've lost 120 lbs but need their help with the rest. I'm sure it is my way of handling my embarrassment of being there. Just us fatties and the 2 that have kept off 25 lbs for 25 years.
I look around and it is not at all like a ww meeting at work. Sitting in the chairs were a bunch of local ladies struggling with weight... a lot of weight. I didn't feel so bad. (yes, judge me all you want by sizing up my group)
Well - these local heavyweights average about 65 years old and are female... with lots of time on their hands. And they love to bake and cook - and talk about it, too.
I'm used to the "I'm on the run and I work, so I need something easy & quick - and we eat out, too" group. Nope - not these gals - they bring in recipes AND the food samples to share.
As many of you may know, in meetings it is time to share your successes of the week - weight loss, recipes, cool new foods, etc. And there are "stars" given out for the rewards (ok, they're stickers of stars). A lady lost 5 lbs and she got a fancy schmancy book mark. So we all clapped. Then we found out it was her 9th week. huh? (note: she was the one who brought in food samples). And note to self: don't eat anything she makes, either. I then made a personal goal to lose 5 lbs in the next week.
So here it is the next week... and yes, I kept my shoes on when I weighed in. They were tennis shoes and lighter than the hiking boots I wore at my 1st weigh in, but I still kept on my shoes. (Ok, I'll also admit I had on a heavy sweatshirt, boots and had my watch & my phone in my pocket on week zero). Today I had empty pockets - judge all you want. The day will come that I will need to take off the shoes... it will just be a hard week where I'll need all the help I can get. I've heard of people taking off their bras to weigh in lighter - I draw the line there.
So I lost 5.2 lbs WITH shoes. Not bad. But in the past, I've been able to drop more the 1st week. I am a year older I guess.
I was kinda feeling down on myself, when at the end of the meeting, the leader announced how much weight the entire group lost this week. 10.5 lbs. Yup. Out of TWENTY people (at least) WE lost 10.5 total lbs. hmmmm. Easy math: 5.2 lbs - me and 5.3 lbs 19 others. I wasn't sure if I should be proud or quickly change where my meetings would soon be with this bad track record. My guess is the ladies who love to cook & bake also are enjoying their weekly meetings and sharing recipes... and they're SLOWLY losing their weight. Maybe they know something I don't? Maybe not. But in the mean time, today is fun food day and we both weigh in today. So we had steak on the grill. Not bad for the first week. I'm off to the west side market tomorrow to stock-up for the next week. It looks to be a good week.

Week 0

2010-03-03T18:41:00.000-08:00

Yes - week Zero. Tomorrow is my first ww weigh in with a new session.
I was going to start last week (no, really) - but found out that my husband's company offers FREE ww to spouses now. Awesome. That just saved me over $150 that I was willing to invest in myself. Now I have ZERO excuses. Time to hit the scale & get down to business. Let's see how my first week back goes...

Train wreck

2009-12-08T18:43:00.000-08:00

For most of you that read this (my family and closest friends) - you are fully aware of the TRAIN I was speaking of in December last year. Well - that train ride has come and gone and it has been exactly a year today that it hit me. Here's how it changed me:

I hit an all time low for weight about 2 weeks after I was let go. Yup - I lost my appetite and lost about 10 lbs really fast. It was a surreal time for me, so food didn't matter like it used to. Eventually, I found my old, lost friend and had a hay-day or two with it during the year. Not only did I gain that damn 10 lbs back, but I also gained another 7 effing lbs on top of it. (so technically, I'm only up 7 lbs, right?).

I was in ww when I was let go, and because it was @ work, I obviously had to stop going there. ww reimbursed me the $ for the remainder of the weeks - probably because they felt sorry for me. I'm also part of a voluntary health care program for weight loss - but because I was a ww drop out, my nurse was ticked. She said I could stay in the voluntary program, as long as I stayed within the same weight. And if so, I was actually rewarded $ in return.

But like a total moron, in December of last year, I told her my really low weight # that I was at the time. I wasn't able to get it off for the next 3 quarters, too. So I lost that reward $ this year. She is about to call any day, and because it is now 1 year, I am now a voluntary weight loss program drop out, too.

My husband has lost about 25 lbs this past year - as he gets free ww @ work. But because $ was questionable this last year, I didn't go back to ww, myself. Big mistake. I couldn't find the $150 or so for myself? I gave up alot of things this year - and it is apparent on myself. I said losing a job wasn't worth gaining weight - and it isn't. I fooled myself into thinking my weight gain was my new schedule, staying at home and being near the fridge - unsupervised.

It was all of the above, but it was me not putting me first, most of all. It is the nearing the holiday season when I always struggle - and now I find myself having to LOSE weight - and on my own. And I simply can't.

I'm jealous of how good my husband looks and feels - and it makes me feel even worse about myself. I know that is crappy of me, but I really am jealous of how good he feels. All my hard work down the drain and onto my ass & hips. All those clothes I got last year that fit and now they hang ignored in the closet. I refuse to buy new, bigger clothes - that was a promise I made a long time ago - and one I will always keep.

So, I have 4 weeks to get my ass in gear and get back on the ww wagon, er uh, train. I know I can do it and even though I don't always feel it - I know I'm worth it.

Check out my new bod!

2009-04-16T15:59:00.000-07:00

Taken at Mongolian BBQ (for their healthy promotion).
I'm their poster child :)

New everything

2008-12-16T11:35:00.000-08:00

As most of you know, a running train ran right over me last Tuesday. A train that I've been trying to outrun for years. A train that I couldn't stop, no matter what I did - but keep going as fast as I could.

That said, my life has changed drastically in the last week. No, I'm not dying, but a part of me did. And with change, good things can happen, too. When I am stressed, I usually over eat. Not this time. That damn train is not worth it.

I've been ignoring the scale until just now - and I'm down 4 pounds. I only have my home scale as a judge, as ww is going to reimburse me the remainder of the new session. I have to find a new place for my weigh-ins now. My plan is to continue to follow the ww "way" on my own until the beginning of January and rejoin for meetings closer to home. Until then, I'm going to enjoy the holidays and not overindulge. Even if I wanted to, that train took some of my appetite as it rear ended me. Stupid train. It'll derail - but not because of me.

New session

2008-12-05T11:03:00.000-08:00

Today was the first meeting in our ww session. As many times as I've joined ww, this is only the second time I'm going back-to-back. (I'm guilty of thinking I've learned the game and I'll continue it on my own) - why I'm back - a "repeat offender".

I remembered my old book with my weight from two weeks ago. I guess I could have pretended it was a brand new session with a brand new weight. But I couldn't. I had to know how I had done over the past two weeks. I simply would not just start over and weigh-in "heavy" with shoes, stuff in my pockets, etc. After all, it was hard to take it off, no way did I want to have to re-lose some weight.

As we were in line, we were asked our height. This, is by far, to my advantage. If you're 5'0" you get less food. But those of us who have to wear talls (5'10") obviously need more. (ha ha). When you lose a "decade" of pounds, you also have to re-evaluate your points. Those bigger get more. Simple.

So the new fellow ww in front of me is asked "how tall are you?" and she replied 5'0". Ok, seriously, she barely came up to my elbows. It was hard not to laugh. I really think she was trying to get every extra point out of the system. I was wearing my high heel boots, so I know a 6 footer in those puppies. Don't tell me my head to my elbows is only a foot. Funny. When I was aked my height, I thought about saying 6'7" but didn't want to push my luck.

As for the weigh-in, there were some celebrations for gains. Yes, some people were pleased they ONLY gained X amount over Thanksgiving in two weeks. Most people said they would be glad to maintain as they waited to get on the dreaded scale after turkey, stuffing and all the goodies from Thanksgiving. Obviously, it is extremely difficult to lose over the holidays - especially when ww is out for two weeks. There's two whole weeks we're left unattended and all hell can break lose.

But I held myself accountable (and I still had a nice Thanksgiving). I lost 1.4 pounds - making my total loss 28.4 pounds. My goal this session is to lose 13 pounds - makinig 40 pounds total. ONLY 11.6 to go!

Thanksgiving down, Christmas to go

2008-11-30T19:38:00.000-08:00

Ok - one major holiday has now passed and the grand-daddy of them all is coming in 25 days.
WW meetings start back this Friday for the new session. It will be two weeks since the last weigh in. TWO WEEKS. Do you know how much damage you can do in two weeks? A lot. As of this morning, the scale says ONLY two pounds up. I guess I didn't do as bad as I thought. But here is where the two pounds came from:

I made FIVE batches of Chex-Mix last Tuesday. It is simply the best snack ever. And I make it as low calorie/fat grams as I can. Well, not actually that low, but it is made with low-fat margarine, pretzels & ChezIts. But because that damn cereal comes in huge boxes, I make the entire stash all at once. It is not worth keeping as cereal. (Have you ever seen anyone actually eat Chex cereal as cereal? Neither have I). So I make this huge vat of delicious buttery, salty carbs and I try to sabotage my family with it. That way, I can't eat all of it. I left two containers of it at our house, and 5 days later, there are mere crumbs of deliciousness left. This whole weekend, I've woken in the middle of night thirsty as hell. I just can't help myself - as if it is a drug. And in I'll be making more for Christmas. Help!

As good as I am with Chex-Mix, my Mom is the best for Thanksgiving. No one comes close to her turkey. No one. And she had potatoes, gravy, stuffing, green beans, sweet potatoes with goo on top, cranberry relish, big fluffy rolls with butter and fruit salad. Two pies were for dessert, too.

I took no seconds, except for the fruit salad. I barely tasted the gravy, potatoes and stuffing. And I skipped the rolls entirely. That way, I could sample both kinds of pie. Ok, they were really, really slivers, not pieces. And I didn't eat the crust from the pumpkin pie. But I did have one of my Dad's pecan squares instead to compensate.

We ran around alot the rest of the weekend - finding time in-between meals to snack on the Chex-Mix. I really have a problem. I'll have to figure out how to make it delicious to others, but not me.

So tomorrow is Monday and only five days until my weigh-in. I have a lot to make up for, but I know I can do it. First, I need to get the Chex-Mix out of the house. I also have to get rid of the Thanksgiving goodies and make room for the Christmas ones...

Maintenance

2008-11-21T10:55:00.000-08:00

Blech - that's me this week.The first time in 17 weeks. I should not be hard on myself, as it is what adds up that counts.

But maintenance is also my goal for the next two weeks as the next WW session begins on December 5th. I hope to stay the same during the Thanksgiving time off. This easy goal is obtainable, as I'll have a week afterward to make up for anything "naughty". (stuffing, gravy, pecan pie, and I can go on and on) :)

Week 17

2008-11-21T07:51:00.000-08:00

It's about an hour and a half before weigh in and my stomach is growling. I deserve it because I didn't give it any attention last night. I had a hard week, and I don't know why. Maybe my body is rebelling after a 3 pound loss? Could be. Could be it is finally catching up to me, as 27 lbs is a lot to lose in 17 weeks. My weight this week fluctuated a bit, and I was up 2 lbs yesterday. The scale at home says it has leveled off again. It just goes to show the bigger you are, the more it can fluctuate. I also have a huge issue with having a gain on weigh in day. So I am determined to not let it happen. This week is going to be close, though.

I am starting to see the good things of losing weight - and by now, most people can see it (off) me. My clothes are too big and I don't know what to do about it. I just can't give away everything. I know it is best to get rid of the larger clothes. I don't need them anymore - but I have to wear something. I've bought some articles, but I can't buy an entire wardrobe for this size. I want to lose 38 more pounds, so I hope to be in an even smaller size by then. If at 27 pounds I've dropped as size, then surely another with 38 pounds. Or can I even dream of 2 sizes? Who knows.

My weight today is below my wedding weight five years ago. And I felt and looked good then. I know what size I am today and I haven't gotten much lighter in over 10 years. So I'm having a hard time picturing myself smaller. Something WW doesn't address. I don't know what it is like to wear a size 16 - haven't since at least high school. The smallest size I've owned in 23 years or so has been 18 - and that is what I am today.

I know, most people would die if they were that size, but not me. When you're busting out of a size 28, a size 18 is a huge accomplishment. And I can pat myself no the back for the that. Many people remember me at that size, so they call me "skinny" now. It makes me feel good, but it is a back handed slap in the face sometimes, too. I'm in no way skinny. I never will be, either. But I have to make a new goal for the next WW session. Wondering what is really obtainable for me in the next weeks. I hit my goal this session and then some. And I know it gets harder as I go, so I have to set a high goal that is obtainable. Maybe to lose 15 pounds? I might still be in a size 18 with that - but hopefully by then I will be able to wear a belt that you can see! :)

week 16

2008-11-14T10:43:00.000-08:00

Put a star after my name today! Big milesstones were accomplished today: 25 lbs (I get a medal - oooh you say?), and I also hit my 10% goal! I lost 3 pounds this week, total 27.2. (I know you're doing the math of how much I weigh, but that's ok). Only 1 more week of this session and I'm signed-up for the next. Need to make a new goal. hmmmmm

By the way, C lost 5.4 lbs this week! SHE must have been our biggest loser. We both had to leave the meeting today for work, so I don't know for sure. She was really eyeballing the "prize", some Reese's 100 calorie treats. Maybe she'll share.

10%

2008-11-13T06:16:00.001-08:00

10% seems like nothing. Ever have a store woo you with a 10% off sale? Me neither. It does seem like a lot when you get a 10% raise, though. And it really seems like a lot if you lose 10% of your weight.

My goal in 17 weeks was to lose 17 pounds. Ok, so I did that weeks ago, so I had to come up with another, obtainable goal. This is a marathon, not a sprint - either way, I don't run. So I came up with 10%.

In my past ww experiences, I know it is very difficult to lose 10% in a session. I did it 17 years ago when I had great incentive to do well (lose weight or die). So I'm up against the 10% this week. And I'm really close. I weigh in tomorrow with only 1 more week left afterwards to achieve this goal. I have a mere 1.8 lbs to go to meet this goal, and I hoping to do so this week.

That said, when you lose 10% at ww, it is a big deal in the meetings. For each milestone, we are "awarded" stuff: 5 lb = stickers (which I have a bunch), 25 lbs = magnet and 10% = keychain. As for me, I'll get my 25 lbs, THEN my 10% keychain. Most people hit their 10% first, then 25 lbs. But not us big girls. So my bittersweet "celebration" will be everyone congratulating me on my 25 lbs, my 10% loss and them all calculating my original weight... not cool.

So what is better? I lost 25 pounds and 10% or now you know how much I weigh? I guess I'll have to worry about that IF I hit the goals in the next 2 weeks.

Non scale victories

2008-11-11T08:11:00.001-08:00

Even though I lost (only) .8 lbs this week, I still had a couple of non-scale victories. (see previous post). Good news since Friday – I took back a pair of jeans hanging in the closet that were a size too big. I'm guessing I've had those jeans in the closet for 6 months now, but they still had the tags. (typical me). I was able to exchange them for the size down, so a NEW pair is sporting tags int the closet. I promise I'll not only take off the tags but also WEAR them, too.

Today, I'm wearing a new sweater that is a size smaller. I'm wearing jeans that are practically hanging off me. So my complements have been: "nice sweater - get rid of those jeans". hmmmm. Seems like I'll have to show off the smaller pair quicker than I realized.

Since my jeans have been fitting better - all be it , too much, I've gotten used to them being loose. But loose makes me look worse I've been told. (let's hear it for honest co-workers).

I bought a new down, winter coat, too. And yes, a size smaller. Much better fit and more age appropriate. I have a bad habit of keeping things like coats for 10 years. Time to treat myself. I also bought a new swimsuit, but I have to return it. The top fits ok and the bottoms were too big (good problem, I guess). And for those of you thinking, "why is she buying a 2 piece swimsuit - ugh?!", it is a Tankini that shows no gut - dork.
I also bought a pair of high boots. (Aren't the cool?!) You read correct, high boots. Not in heel height, but in length. I did, however, have to order them with wide-calf option. They have not arrived, but I really hope they fit. I'm guessing no matter how much I lose, my calves won't lose that much. The poor things have had 41 years of carrying all this extra weight, no wonder they're 17". hmmph. Needless to say, the boots are total bad ass and I really hope they fit.

(In case you're thinking, this really isn't like me to spend $ on myself - especially before Christmas, you are correct. For you nosy ones - I am spending last year's Christmas $! :)

Week 15

2008-11-07T11:20:00.000-08:00

It was a decent week – because I didn't weigh-in last week, I found myself not being held accountable.

On Oct 31st, I knew it would be a close weigh in at WW. But I was expecting the doctor to weigh me, instead. My mind game was this: ww would maybe show as a maintain or a slight gain or loss, but the doctor's would show a loss because it was more than a week. Of course, this game didn't work too well, as the skinny intern at the doctor's didn't weigh me. (You know the girl, the skinny, young girl who judges you as you get on the doctor's scale).

So I had a week to pull off a weight loss. And it was tough. So much that I even had to distract myself last night away from home (aka: food). I went to the mall to order some clothes to avoid being around food. Sad, but true. It did work, though. As I lost .8 lbs. So my total is now 24.2. My goal is to lose at least 1.8 more lbs before the end of this session (Nov. 21).

On a side note, a couple of good things happened this week besides good news from the doctor.
I tried on clothes in the closet that had been put away for hopes of fitting back into. And YES! they fit again! The bad news is that I mostly only have Summer "skinny" clothes, so I can't wear them right now.

Another great thing is that I tried on a smaller pair of jeans while shopping – and they fit, too! While shopping in the closet/trying on my skinny clothes, I discovered I had a brand new pair of jeans with the tags still on. So I'm taking them back and exchanging them for the size down. :)

No creepy crud

2008-11-01T08:55:00.000-07:00

Went to the doctor yesterday – things I learned:
1. I did NOT get weighed. Funny how I was looking forward to it (for a change)
2. I had to wait for over an hour –why I like taking the morning's first appointment. I'm finding that the more often I go to the doctor, I can't be too choosy.
3. I still have hypertension, but it was lower. And I was prescribed medication to help.
4. The remainder of my lab report was GREAT... apparently, I'm not falling apart.

a scale is a scale...

2008-10-31T08:38:00.000-07:00

Today is official candy day. Not cool for those of us watching our weight.
Also not cool for those of us weighing in today.

That said, I'm missing my weight watchers meeting today. (No, I'm not being a coward.) I have my doctor check-up during the same time as my meeting. It's the check-up with my lab results... so this could be hairy. For all I know I have the creepy crud and I'm a ticking time bomb. I also could get lucky and walk out with a prescription for hypertension. I'm hoping on that one.

Even though it was Oct. 14th when I was last at the doctor's office, I'm sure he'll make me get on the scale (which I hate). I should be down 3 pounds since the last visit, but I won't post how I did... even though a scale is a scale. I am going by the weight watchers scale on this post.

Oh, and I have signed-up for the next session of weight watchers. Know I can't do it alone. Easy to think so, but I know I can not. I also am part of a voluntary weight management program so I will get reimbursed a percentage of my $ for weight watchers. Another great incentive to do well.

Week 13

2008-10-24T12:18:00.000-07:00

Had a good week – it included dining out on Friday night (salmon), Saturday lunch (Little Italy) and Mongolian BBQ.

Mongolian BBQ has become our favorite Sunday ritual for a late lunch. (if you get there before 4:00 the prices are cheaper). We found that we can really control what we eat there. You can also get a lot of food for your money, too. We also have a favorite waitress (props to Tennille) that takes care of us every week. All this adds up to us eating healthier – plus we just like going there. I usually only eat one bowl, while M laps me: 3 or 4. He knows the grillers well, and I sit like a widow at the table talking to the wait staff. Still – we both have been successful while having fun.

I also had an awesome peanut butter bar from Little Italy. I did manage to eat only half at a time during the weekend – an accomplishment in itself. That said, us eating basically what we want (within reason) on the weekends has made weight loss be more obtainable for us. It hasn't felt too much like a diet this way – and I can live this way (and not on a diet the rest of my life).

So with the salmon, Little Italy pizza AND peanut butter bar AND Mongolian BBQ, I was still able to lose 2 more pounds this week... 23.4 total!

The good, bad and ugly

2008-10-23T06:03:00.000-07:00

There are many good things from losing weight. Everyone knows the health benefits, so you feel better. And obviously, fitting into your clothes well not only feels good, and you look good, too. Here are more results of losing 20+ pounds.

1. My pants get wet when it rains. (the bottoms, dummy)
2. Said droopy pants are constantly falling down, therefore I'm constantly pulling at them.
3. I don't have to suck in my breath while putting on freshly dried jeans.
4. Bras don't fit.
5. Get to go bra shopping, thinking it will be a smaller size and is not. (figured they just stretched - how in the hell did I stuff into some of my clothes?)
6. By now, people who have not seen me notice 20 pounds is gone.
7. My clothes are either too big or too small. I must be "in between sizes"?
8. I have to buy new clothes because of #7.
9. I still have to wait to fit into the smaller clothes because of #7.
10. I'm getting cold quicker than usual.
11. I have a new addiction of reading food labels.
12. My wedding ring is loose – sometimes, too loose. (My friend DP has dropped 80+ lbs or so and he LOST his wedding band while on a cruise, swimming).
13. My husband got to go shopping in the closet this morning... had on a too-tight-last-year-but-now-fits-and-seems-like-brand-new shirt.
14. My Giant Eagle gas perks are higher than usual – a sure sign I'm buying more groceries. (Which means we are packing lunches and eating at home more). Hello $1.90 off per gallon!
15. Shopping for new clothes is frustrating, as I think I've dropped a size. And I have but still don't look good in many clothes.
16. FiberOne bars (2 points) and weight watchers peanut butter bars (1 point) are my new favorite treats. (Don't judge me)
17. I can't eat popcorn or anything salty on Thursday nights.
18. I have to wear a "uniform" on Fridays for weigh-in consistency.
19. My blood pressure is still high (stinks).
20. My bathing suits actually fit the way they were intended to. (Again, just how did I fit into them this year?).
21. I lost my "shelf" under my chin. Cya!

Complaint of the Day

2008-10-22T08:41:00.000-07:00

I have work neighbors that bring smelly foods from the cafeteria. It can be breakfast or lunch and no mater when it comes, it hits me like a wall.

Of late, it has been something like toast and bacon in the morning – which, I admit, makes me hungry. Not cool to those of us following weight watchers.

And at lunchtime, it can be anything from smelly, yucky Asian food (ick) or something like a yummy grilled cheese sandwich and onion rings. Again, not cool.

How about eating AWAY from your desks?!

Berries – the miracle diet fix!

2008-10-22T08:34:00.000-07:00

I get dumb ads trailing me on facebook, myspace, etc. all the time. And this one keeps annoying me. Sorry, I'm not buying the idea that a berry is why I'm over weight... no matter if Oprah or Rachel Ray say so.

Week 12

2008-10-17T11:42:00.000-07:00

It's 2:45 p.m. and I'm just now eating my "lunch"... 2 Curve's bars and 1 Weight Watchers bar. All 1 point each. Typical of my lunches this week. We had a charity fundraiser that I worked, so that had to come first. It is over, so it back to me coming first.

With the charity event over, I'm also glad that I did extremely well at a NBA game last night. The night before a weigh in can make or break your numbers. The loge was without food, so I had to venture out into the concourse... a.k.a. the food fest. I walked past hot dogs, nachos, popcorn, candy, chicken wings (they smelled awesome!) and the rest of typical, yummy but fattening ballgame foods. But I was on the lookout for a grilled chicken sandwich or something like that. (Hey, if I have to spend $7.50 for a sandwich, it better be good for me.) I finally found a stand with salads... so for $7.50, I received a huge bowl of lettuce, croutons and sprinkled (barely) with cheese. I also requested fat free dressing. Because a bowl of lettuce is not enough to live off of, I also got a hot pretzel (4 pts, I think). So I'm proud of myself. Plus, I didn't have any beer (free) from the loge.

I lost another pound today. So I had a good weigh in and many lessons learned this week. As next week is back to "normal", I hope to settle back into a more healthy way to lose weight.
Also: C lost 2 pounds and was our "biggest loser" of the group today!

I fell so hard, I didn't know I was falling....

2008-10-16T07:26:00.000-07:00

With my doctor visit this week, my health has been on my mind. I was told I have to get blood work at the lab, and I'm anxious of going. I know, who is not anxious about needles? I know I am... probably worse than most. I think it has to do with me not having to go to a doctor often (I'm just not used to it). Maybe I also inherited my Dad's ability to get queasy/grossed-out with icky things, too. (Thanks, Mom for being able to handle poop and puke).

As for me, I'm not one to get sick. But on an off day, don't poop or puke around me, please. I can get nausea quicker than most, but I can always "talk myself out of it". It mostly has to do with motion sickness or lack of food.

Lately, my days has been on/off, feast or famine some days. And yesterday was no different. I ate a small breakfast (rare) and ate a small, late lunch (typical). I didn't drink too much because of class (typical). I got home around 9:45 and opted to skip on any food until the next day. (again, typical).

What was not typical was that I had my blood work visit on my mind. I figured - "hey, I'm already not eating tonight, I might as well fast and get this lab visit out of the way". As the days go by without my lab visit, the more it haunts me. (yes, I know, I am a big baby). Out of the ordinary was that M got out the newly arrived blood pressure monitor.

He had tried it last night, as he is also participating in a voluntary hypertension program. He also is a techy nut, so he was the better of us to figure out how to get it working. So, he insisted I try it. He said it would work well if I stood at the dresser. Huh? I told him I will not be doing that every day. He said to just try it and place my arm on the dresser. So he placed the band (had to order a large one, welcome to my world) on my right arm. It was tight and it pinched me as it went on. I had just had my bp taken at the doctor on Tuesday, and it didn't hurt like this. And my reading was a ridiculous number. Enter me getting nervous and ticked.

So we tried it on my left arm. By this time, I'm tired, hungry, anxious of my lab work the next day, and getting queasy about everything. As my left arm started to tingle really weird, I got really, really dizzy. I can only remember feeling this way once before – after I had a procedure done at the doctor's office. And it was only AFTER a co-worker described to me what was really done to me.

But this time was different – I told M my arm felt weird and I was really dizzy. The next thing I remember is dreaming and then disoriented. I was laying on the floor with M in my face. (not a good way to wake up). I didn't know where I was and what had happened. Apparently, I had fallen (not gracefully I'm told) on the floor. Now, enter the nausea. As I got up, I felt as if I would throw up. Kneeling at a toilet is not a comforting thing. But I calmed myself and didn't throw up.

We decided I should eat and drink. And I did – which made me feel better. I don't know why I fainted. We talked ourselves out of going to the hospital. And after researching, it probably had to do with dehydration, food intake (or lack of), stress and fear. I know fainting happens to some people every time they get a shot or if they see blood. And some people know they are going to faint because they have symptoms beforehand (weak, nauseated, hot, dizzy - ME). I also felt confused, dizzy and basically, "out of it" afterwards. Maybe I'm one of those people now. I sure hope not.

M insists on going with me to get my lab work now. I hope I'm not one of those people that faints at the lab. Once that is over, I hope the results of the blood work will help my doctor get this under control, because it is scary. The quicker I can get help, the better I'll feel.

So, that said, I'm going to try to eat more, in smaller quantities and get my liquids in. If I weigh the same or lose a little, I'll be ok with it.

140/90

2008-10-14T08:46:00.000-07:00

Yup, that is my blood pressure this morning. 140/90.
July 7th, it was 146/98... the main reason for this site.

So, in three months, I'm off meds and have lost 20.4 pounds. And my bp is still a craptacular 140/90. My new doctor (who is really great) said my lifestyle change will not be enough. So congratulations to me, I'm officially a member of the hypertension club. Crap - not exactly a group I wanted to join.

I really thought I had changed my life in the last 3 months... no meds, weight watchers, voluntary hypertension project and all. But it only slightly dropped. I'm fighting a battle I can't win on my own, so now I'm off to the hospital for blood work. I guess, technically, after the lab work I'll be officially known as She-Who-Has-Hypertension. blah

So I'm going to have to do this with help, not something I can control. The weight still has to come off. Even if it isn't going to help my bp, it won't hurt, either. I'm hoping it will, however help with other complications like diabetes, etc.

I have to say I'm really disappointed that all my work didn't really help that much - bp wise. I have to admit defeat and accept it and just keep working on the weight any way.

5?!

2008-10-13T07:02:00.000-07:00

Seriously, I'm up 5 pounds since Friday. wtf?
I know I didn't eat well this weekend, but not like this.

Let's hear it for Donato's pizza with family on Friday night, an apple-butter festival with family on Saturday and a Packers party with family on Sunday. Wonder if there is something in common here? Yup, you guessed it. Not only is family involved (sabatogers), but also food that I'm not in control of.

This just proves how inconsistent weigh-in's can be and how one's weight can fluctuate. I also find the heavier I am, the more I can go up or down quickly.

Back to the packed lunch and hitting it hard.

Week 11 - Milestone!

2008-10-10T10:36:00.000-07:00

Ok - had a tough food week, as usual. Trying to conquer the demons of 11 bags of chips in the pantry. (they're "souveniers" from our Baltimore trip). My husband is an advocate of trying the local chips as well as strange, new flavors. He truly loves chips. What he doesn't know is that I, do, too. I refuse to eat chips anymore – unless they are of the baked, low-fat kind... because as the ad says "I bet you really can't eat just 1". Well, I can't.

That said, I'm having a hard time figuring out how to handle my class and food. They simply just don't go together. So, on Monday and Wednesday nights, I'm hungry after class (9:30). Then on Tuesdays and Thursdays, I tend to eat more points. This seems to be working, as I am losing weight — but I am having a hard time getting it at a balance.

Because I weigh-in on Fridays, I also watch my food more closely on Thursday night and Friday morning. I've found that I can have a hard weigh-in because I ate popcorn the night before. My weigh-in can be affected greatly by water and salt. So I really watch both 24 hours before Friday. This "tactic", too is working. But I'd also like to get this more balanced.

So this week I lost 1.2 pounds — bringing my total to 20.4 pounds. It seems like a lot, and it is. I've met my goal for this session of weight watchers already. I think setting smaller, more obtainable goals is working well for me. Also, my incentive plan this time is to be healthier, which is new for me.

bad self image

2008-10-08T08:47:00.000-07:00

Saw this ad online and it was hard to ignore. I usually get the "40 and single?" ads. Those are annoying, but this one had is worth sharing.

I know obesity is a huge health concern for many, but this is not the way to help. It is bad enough that there are too many people with a poor self image.

So a picture of an overweight woman is going to help? "Oh, yeah, let's make this fat lady look even more pathetic... so let's put her in gray sweatpants and a gray sweatshirt. Oh, let's make her look even worse, yet by making her wear a sweatshirt that is too small and exposes her fat belly. Oh, and let's have her pinch her more-than-an-inch fat roll to really show she needs to lose weight."

I'd bet that most people in these clothes "pinching" their gut would not look good. Would you? I know I would not. This is proof that society has vulgar views of being overweight. And this is something I'll have to deal with the rest of my life, no matter how much or not I lose. It is a shame how one's self image can be tarnished by society like this.

A friend of mine has an awesome figure, but she has zero confidence in her self image. She was very heavy while pregnant, but lost all her weight afterwards. Still, she covers and hides her fantastic body. Why? She said you may forget the exact conversation when someone called you fat, or the person who laughed at you, or the size you wore at your largest. But you will never forget how you felt when called fat, laughed at or looked at pathetically while shopping for plus size clothes. How profound, especially coming from a very thin person.

funny

2008-10-08T08:44:00.000-07:00

(click to view larger)

Too good to be true...

2008-10-06T11:15:00.000-07:00

Ok, after thinking about my 5 lbs loss this Friday, it seemed like more than it should be.

I looked closer at my weight watchers card (where the leader writes down your weight and loss) today. And of course, she did not do the math correctly. And of course, it is not in my favor. hmmph. But the good news is that I really lost 4 lbs. So my total is 18.2. I'll still take it, though.

I'll only bring it up directly to the leader as I weigh in this week... mostly because I was declared the biggest loser last week. Yup - I'm the biggest loser, all right!

The biggest loser

2008-10-03T11:19:00.000-07:00

In our weight watchers meetings, the biggest loser wins a prize. It is a smart snack, such as Healthy Choice soup, 100 calorie packs, etc. Today is is the new Chex Mix bars (3 pts each). A fellow weight watcher lost 4.8 pounds - which is a huge loss. But I was forced to raise my hand saying I could beat it. And I did!

Technically, yes, I did beat her, but it was mainly because I missed the weigh in the last week. So I had really 2 weeks of a loss, not 1. I decided to share the box of goodies with the woman who'd lost 4.8. Fair is fair.

I have a doctor appointment on 10/14, concerning my high blood pressure reading taken in July. I really hope the weight loss helps.

This weigh-in, I had lost more weight than I had thought — and on top of my issues/scare with vacation, I did even better. I did, however, take off my shoes this time as I'm wearing warmer clothes for Fall. I also took off my sweatshirt. I weighed-in with and without it to see how much it weighs — .8 pounds! geez — glad I took it off.

So, I lost 5 more pounds and my total loss is now. 19.2 lbs. I'm really proud of myself. Shows what I can really do when I buckle down.

I'm a freak of nature

2008-09-30T06:25:00.000-07:00

Ok - according to my home scale this morning...
I'm back down the four pounds I gained over vacation.
Let's hear it for seriously watching points and water!
Glad to be back on the band wagon.

Four! ahhh!

2008-09-28T18:05:00.000-07:00

Went on a small vacation to Balimore and Annapolis, MD for four days. And according to my home scale, I'm up FOUR efing pounds! How can that be??!!

No way did I eat like that. No way. I never ate anything bad off the free breakfast at the hotel. I didn't order cream of crab soup or any crab cakes like my husband. I admit, I didn't get enough liquids — but that is normal for me while away. (might be a bathroom thing — as you never know where your next bathroom might be).

Things I learned on the trip:
1. Don't order the wildfire salad at Bob Evans. It has fried chicken on it. And it didn't say so on the menu... only "our wildfire chicken". I should not have to have a Cliff Notes to read a menu. At least put an asterisk (*) next to it so I can see it has damned fried chicken. Also, beware that Bob Evans pushes carbs on you. All you want for the rolls, biscuits, banana bread and seasonal pumpkin bread.
2. Don't order salads anymore that come "tossed in our homemade dressing". It really means "lettuce drowning in our really fattening (but tasty) dressing".
3. Try to drink more, even with said bathroom issues.
4. Don't bring cheese with you in the cooler. It is not permission to eat it just because it is now in your hotel fridge.
5. If you swim at the hotel — actually swim. Don't jump in, decide it is too cold, then hit the hot tub.
6. Just because one has not seen a Fudruckers in a long time does not mean one must eat there. (I did, however, have a chicken sandwich. Also had the fries that come with the sandwich). Don't eat them just because they're really, really good.
7. Don't do a melted cheese shot. If you have to ask what it is, you've never had one, are skinny and have no business reading this.
8. Just because a seafood buffet is the deal, it really isn't. Just order whatever you really want instead.
9. Eat N Park's salad buffet has pudding. Don't be tempted because it isn't worth the points. Lumps are not a good sign, either.
10. The "world famous buffalo chicken cheese dip" at the brewery is not a must-order, just because one is on vacation.
11. Go early to the hotel's free breakfast — the early bird catches the worm on the best fruit and low-fat yogurt.
12. Licorice is not a good car food. It leaves a bad taste in your mouth, so you have to eat other things as a chaser... like candy corn.
13. Just because there are new, cool potato chip flavors in the area, one does not have to buy eleven bags. (My husband). And if you don't like the said chips, don't eat them just because they are there.
14. Crab cakes are not worth the calories and points.
15. Don't go to the local market and order just 2 cookies for 81 cents. Once you've tried "Baltimore's Famous", you are then forced to buy more at the grocery store because they really are that good.
16. Avoid at all costs, the bounty of said chips and cookies when you arrive back home, even if they are haunting you by calling your name as you pass by the pantry.
17. Go to the grocery store and stock up on great foods and start over again. Tomorrow's another day, Scarlet.

Week 8

2008-09-19T12:20:00.002-07:00

I didn't weigh in today. I had a lot on my plate - pardon the pun.

My schedule was really busy - both in work and home life. I didn't have dinner a couple of days due to class, and I had really late lunches and /or dinners a couple of nights. Hopefully, it'll slow down soon.

I weighed in this morning at home - the scale said I might even be up a pound. Not good. But the scale at work said I was down a pound. SO, that said - I'm going to have to behave and keep on working at my weight loss. I'll take it I broke even based on the scales.

I will miss the 26th's weigh in, also — as I'll be out of town. This will be a good test for me to stay on the band wagon, especially while on vacation.

On a good note – I have had people tell me I'm looking better. Was told my clothes are getting bigger. Nope - I'M getting smaller. :)

Week 7

2008-09-12T08:57:00.000-07:00

Another tough week. I am not doing so well with a Friday weigh in. I am slacking off on the weekends – making me catch up during the work week. And that is hard.

My life's schedule has become very busy, including a college course two nights a week. I am not eating dinner on those nights, as I'm not hungry before the class and it is too late by the end of class. By the next day, I'm pretty hungry. Not sure what to do, as I'm trying to eat a snack (fruit, yogurt or fiber bar) before the class.

I lost this week – but only .6 lbs. A loss is a loss, I know. My home scale and my work scale showed I had lost more. But the only scale that counts is ww's. I received a compliment from a co-worker this morning. He said he could tell I've lost weight. So I'll take the .6 loss well – as it has added up to my 14.2 total. It's all starting to add up.

How to lose weight every time

2008-09-05T11:19:00.001-07:00

My friend sent this to me a couple of months ago... apparently, I've been weighing myself the wrong way! :)

Week 6

2008-09-05T09:00:00.000-07:00

I had a hard week – the long holiday weekend can claim some of the blame.
By Monday morning, my weight shifted back up almost 3 pounds! ahhh! Time for Operation Starvation. (OK, not really, but time for serious kick-butt watching the food).

This morning, my home scale said I was back down – about a 1/2 pound or so. The work scale says I'm down a bit, too. I told myself I would be OK with a 1/2 pound loss and would be happier with anything higher – as I had 3 pounds in the hole and only four days to drop it and then some. My loss this week is .8 pounds. My lowest amount since starting Weight Watchers. But I'll take it, as a loss is a loss. (and technically, if you count the 3 pounds I was up, I did extremely well).

My weekly goal from now on is at least a 1/2 pound loss and I am hoping for a pound each week. As C says, she sends her extra weight to Boca. I now have 13.6 pounds I've sent away. And hopefully, for good this time.

Week 5

2008-08-29T11:34:00.000-07:00

This week was quite difficult for me, as I had a new routine. I'm in class two nights a week, so my dinner was thrown off those days. I practically ate nothing the first night, mostly due to nerves. And my second night, I ate merely some watermelon. Even though I'm packing a good dinner with me, I'm just not eating before the class. And I refuse to eat when I get home – which is close to 9:30... what's the point?

We ate out on the weekend and buckled down during the week. I did lose track of my points this week – forgetting to write down my food, too. Hard to remember what I ate 3 days ago – so I have to keep up with journaling.

Even with missing a couple of meals and not journaling – I still had a good week with my weigh in. I lost 2 lbs this week. (I think the missing meals countered the no journaling). I can feel and see my loss now. Not dramatic, but I know it is happening. I'm wearing clothes lately that have recently shown off too many of my sins... therefore, left hanging in the closet. My Mom told me yesterday she can see a difference already – but she just may be being nice – she unconditionally loves me, fat or not. I have notices that my jeans are not as tight – not leaving the regular red mark on my gut - not as much, at least :).

My loss total is 12.8 in 4 weeks of following ww. I'm only 4.2 pounds hitting my first goal: 17 pounds in 17 weeks. Oh, and C lost 1.6 lbs this week – so she jumped right back on the bandwagon – and it included her going to the fair! Keep it up, because we're worth it. :)

Week 4

2008-08-22T11:22:00.000-07:00

This week seemed easier to me. Maybe I'm getting the hang of it by now. I know I did better on food, and I didn't feel like I starved myself. I didn't get enough exercise, though... know that is my next breakthrough. Because I weigh in on Fridays, M and I named Fridays as Fun Food Night – it's the one night where I can eat what I want (not really). OK, I can eat more of what I want. I really don't eat what I want, as I don't want to undo what I just worked hard to lose.

Tonight, I offered Chinese food for M (his favorite). I don't like it usually. And no matter what, I never finish my meal – fried or not. I just get sick of the food after eating so much. My Chinese food offering was 2 choices: either a buffet (with OK food) or P.F. Chang's. The reason I offered the buffet is that it has crab legs – good for me, but not so good for M. So, tonight I have a 6:00 reservation at P.F. Chang's to celebrate my 1.6 pound loss. I know what I'm ordering, and I printed out their nutritional info for M to "study". (By reading it, I know exactly what I'm getting – calories, fat, fiber, etc.) I also discovered the restaurant will also allow me to order with different cooking methods, light or no oil, etc.

I had a good week and am not disappointed in "only" 1.6 pounds. I have yet to be the "biggest loser" in the group. We discuss in the meetings our "celebrations" – mine was me eating ZERO chips at a Mexican restaurant, so I know my baby steps are helping. My total is 10.8 pounds in 3 weeks – I'm more than half way to my goal in the 17 weeks. :)

Week 3

2008-08-15T12:32:00.000-07:00

Today was my second weigh in (actually third, but I'm not counting the first one as it was my starting point.)

I have to say I sorta deprived myself this week with food. I know my large loss last week would not keep up. I continue to write down my daily food, drink most of my water, I walked this week (ok, actually only once), and I never ate anything after dinner. So this is good, right?

But I did not come close to my points. I was pretty hungry, too. For some reason, I think that hunger pain is a good thing – and I'll just be hungry any way, in the morning. Pretty sure this can't keep up, as I'm guessing my body is going into survivor mode. Plus, I'll give up as I'm hungry as hell with no results. This is no way to lose weight.

Ok - so my goal this week is to move my ass more and to eat close to my points. I need to stay off the scale, too, as it is depresses me.

By the way – I lost 2.6 pounds, and C lost 3. My loss total: 9.2

Eating like a champion

2008-08-14T07:51:00.001-07:00

Eating like a champion:
What it takes to fuel Michael Phelps' quest for gold
BEIJING – U.S. swimming superstar Michael Phelps has five gold medals and five world records so far in Beijing. He has three events left to go. So what does it take to fuel this champion? A lot. When he's training, Phelps reportedly eats 4,000 calories per meal totaling 12,000 calories a day. That's six times what's recommended for an average man.

Breakfast:
3 fried egg sandwiches with cheese, lettuce, tomatoes, fried onions, and mayonnaise
2 cups of coffee
1 5 egg omelet
1 bowl of grits
3 slices of French toast with powdered sugar
3 chocolate chip pancakes

Lunch:
1 pound enriched pasta with tomato sauce
2 large ham and cheese sandwiches on white bread with mayonnaise
1,000 calories of energy drinks

Dinner:
1 pound of pasta with tomato sauce
6 to 8 slices of pizza
1,000 calories of energy drinks

According to NBC, on an average day in competition between warm-ups, qualifying and event races, Phelps swims about 5 miles a day.
© 2008 NBC

Hmmmm.
Other than the 1,000 calorie energy drinks, this looks normal to me. Ok – not really. In my prime, I could just about keep up with an Olympic swimmer's daily food intake. I have never eaten all of this – not even close. But this is how I got heavy. Really heavy. I simply ate the wrong things and too much of them.

I can't eat a pound of pasta, but I could eat 3 breakfast sandwiches. And I can eat 6-8 slices of pizza in 1 sitting. And 2 ham and cheese sandwiches is easy to me. But is this a talent that will ever help me in life? Maybe if I go on 'Survivor'. (My luck they'd make me eat something icky like 100 year old eggs or drink cow blood). No, this is not a good talent for me. I admit, I'd feel like crap after eating all of these foods.

No wonder Micheal Phelps can eat all this – he's a young guy, and an athlete. Oh, and he also happens to swim 5 miles a day.

I have to start eating less like an Olympian and moving more like one.

Get off the scale...

2008-08-13T07:25:00.000-07:00

Today, I'm the same weight I was on Friday. I have no idea why, either. I know I have to stop obsessing over the scale, but it is hard for me. I don't want a weak weigh in this Friday. I hold myself accountable during the week – and if I move up or down, it is motivation to do better.

No, if I'm low for the week, I do not "treat myself", it is almost a high – so I fight the rest of the week to even do better. And if I am not doing well – I, too work hard and fight to have success at the official weigh in.

On a good note: my clothes are fitting better. Freshly washed jeans are fitting well. Oh, and they're dried in the DRYER, too. So the usual kinda tight feeling first thing is not there now. And yesterday I wore a top that I wouldn't wear lately. It fit better. So there is good news – maybe not in pounds, but in size and inches.

Reason to lose # 12

2008-08-12T05:24:00.000-07:00

See my post on macandcheesehead.
Today I felt like only writing once due to my bad mood because of my gimpy hip.

Week 2

2008-08-08T11:55:00.000-07:00

My first full week back on Weight Watchers, and my weigh in was today. I was hoping for 4 pounds, as that is what my scale at home declared. Of course, this is sans clothes – so the scale at the Weight Watchers session was higher last week.

I went through this week with eating really well. We even ate out a couple of times. I can officially say I am not starving. I was hungry sometimes, but talked myself out of that snack after dinner.

In our session today, we talked about our "celebrations". C went first, as she totally rocked with a 9 pound loss. While in line for the scale, I asked her how she thought she did. "oh, I think I stayed the same or maybe lost maybe a couple." Uh - nope. 9! Yeah, Flip Flop Girl!

As for me, my 4 pounds was actually 6.6. Yeah! When asked what I did different, I said - "not much really". I have been following WW since my doctor's appointment with the bad blood pressure results. I do know that I packed my lunch every work day, ate really well for dinner, drank a lot of Kool-Aid with Splenda, wrote down what I ate, and I didn't eat anything after dinner. I know for sure the last is what really helped me.

So I had a great week – 1 down, 16 to go. At this rate, I KNOW I will hit my goal. 6.6 lbs is a nice first week.

Funny?

2008-08-06T06:25:00.000-07:00

I stumbled across this t-shirt design today. At first, I thought it was kinda funny. But now I'm not so sure.

The site allows you to chose from many t-shirt designs on many styles of shirts. I found this site when looking for build-your-own Disney shirts, as many designs come in larger sizes. Which brings up more issues. Most cool t-shirts are for "normal" or "regular" size people. Not for big girls, like me. And if I did stumble across one that is large enough, it is usually a men's t-shirt. Lucky for me I am tall, so some of these actually fit well. But what about for a gal who is "normal" or "regular" height? Just because a girl is large, doesn't mean she has arms that are 6 feet long. Short sleeves are not supposed to go past your elbow.

Back to the site with fun shirts in larger sizes... it allows readers to make comments on the design style. Here is a comment about the Fat Chicks Need Love Too shirt:

"Ahh, the classic scene of which a fat woman is depressed because she cannot find a decent man to have a relationship with because she's so fat and disgusting........and knows it."

Another example of my world and what heavy people deal with every day. Yes, I may be overweight, but this guy is a jerk. I can lose weight, but he will still be a jerk. And I bet he has a small pee-pee, too.

High expectations

2008-08-05T10:18:00.000-07:00

Yup, I have those. I expect to exceed, not fail.
In the past week, I have weighed myself every morning. And even a couple of times at work. This doesn't include the Weight Watchers' scale.

This is disturbing, as it is quickly becoming an obsession – which is not good.

I've already adjusted my eating habits since my first weigh-in. I have not had any snacks after dinner. I have not just shoveled food into the pie hole while watching TV. I have written down all food and am planning ahead for dining out. I don't care how expensive food is, just that it has to be what I need for success.

My problem is I go through quick lifestyle changes like these and get all gung-ho.
"Yeah! weight loss!" But because I weigh myself too much, I don't see results like I want. I should be able to lose at least 5 lbs the first week – easy, right? Nope. Not anymore. I guess I have to tell myself it has only been 3 whole days.

I made a goal to lose 17 lbs in 17 weeks, but I keep thinking I can lose more in a week – especially the first week. I get a "high" out of doing well with losing weight – so losing at this pace should be great, right? I just hope I don't sabotage myself in getting down on myself with lower results. I just have to believe that 17 pounds in the next months is great. I'll get there.

Week 1

2008-08-01T11:02:00.001-07:00

Today was the first weigh in for the next 17 weeks. This is the worst number you'll ever see on the Weight Watchers membership booklet. As I wait in line to step on the scale, I experience anxiety. No matter if it is the first time ever, after a hard week, or when I know I had a great week, I still get anxious. This time wasn't so bad. I know the instructor and I also know my weight today is not the highest number she's written down for me.

In the past, I'd play games with myself on the first weigh in. I'd weigh in wearing heavy, layered clothes and my Dr. Marten boots (wintertime). I have even been known to put some spare change in my pocket, too. This way, my initial number is even higher. This way, the following week I'd weigh in, sans the heavy gear and garb. Tada! I'd lose 12 pounds! Well, not really. It was really about 6. This silly game used to work for me as I felt better with a great weigh loss.

This time, my strategy was different. I wore normal clothes that I will match up on every Friday. My weigh in uniform, if you will. I wore my shoes and not heavy boots. They'd be on to my game as it is 84 degrees outside. I'll wear my shoes until I hit a bad week and then I may have to take them off. But be warned: once you hit the scale without shoes, you're destined to do so the same way from then on. I'm going to wear the same type of clothes along with my shoes as long as I can for accuracy.

We received the new and improved literature to help us during the week. Naturally, I took a set of everything, even though I think I have about 4 copies in my collection. We were sent off to do the week on our own with our new info.

I'm pretty sure I'm not going to post my weight – as my Grandma used to say: "a woman who tells you her age or weight will tell you anything". Some things are best kept quiet. What I will post is my struggles and my celebrations along the way. Here goes.

Cya, old friend

2008-08-01T07:01:00.000-07:00

I've had about a month to deal with my high blood pressure news. I moped for about 3 days afterward and knew what was ahead of me.

I was pretty depressed and sad. The thought of having hypertension scares me. And I don't want to find out I did it to myself. I don't want to be on medicine if I can help it. I came to realize that I'm killing myself and it needed to stop.

I was sad, too because I knew it meant I have to change. I have to let go one of my best friends – food. I will fight them all my life. I love food. It is as simple as that. But I also love knowing I will be healthy for another day to spend with my husband and family and friends. I have to fight this and figure out how to win.

I mastered letting go cigarettes almost 2 decades ago. I did it cold turkey over my Spring break. Before I quit, I had to work myself up to it and tell myself I could never smoke again. The physical addiction was hard – but only for a week or so. Once my body was OK without cigarettes, then I had to fight my mind. I had to change. And fighting compulsive urges is hard for me – really hard. But I did it.

Food has been my friend, companion, and feel-good buddy. We go way back. So it is hard to let that go. I could stop smoking, so why can't I lose weight? I still have to eat. Apparently, I'm all or none. In the next 17 weeks, I'll be working hard to retrain my body and mind to let go this friendship I've had with food.

In the beginning...

2008-07-31T12:03:00.000-07:00

I was born average weight and pretty short in length. My Mom says she was told I'd be lucky to reach five feet tall according to my birth length. Not only was he wrong, he was really wrong. This has worked both to my advantage and disadvantage.

I'm 5'10. That is a number I'm proud to share. The rest, not so proud. My height has worked for me well in my years – I played basketball, volleyball and softball for school. I can reach the top shelf at the grocery store. I was always in the back row of my school pictures. And I've never been called "shorty".

People who knew me as a child recognize me. I apparently look the same and (sometimes) act the same. Basically, I was a big kid. I was almost always the same size as my older brother. He's two years older. He must have hated it. Girls are not supposed to be bigger. It isn't fair.

But I am. I'm bigger in size, too. Not only am I tall, I'm just plain "big". No way around it – I'm a size 20. That number I used to be proud of – but not anymore.

Growing up, I was what they called "plus" size for girls. If I was a boy, I'd be "husky". Both are not too nice as I quickly realized that plus sized girls can't shop at every store. No, we have to shop in a small department in the back of the store. As an adult, I have to shop in my own stores just for us big girls: Lane Bryant and Avenue. If we're lucky, we can order clothes from catalogs. Welcome to my world.

I had to wear the largest sized uniform in gym and for sports. I barely fit into the mascot costume as a Senior in high school. But I maintained my XXL size by being active.

Enter college scene: most people gain the "freshman fifteen". Not me – I gained the "freshman forty". I was left unattended with southern cooking, you see. This was the start of my worst battle with weight.

My weight defined who I was in school. I was never the girl who dated often or had cute clothes. I acted as if it didn't bother me. I was the class clown. And even I believed my story. But it always bothered me deep down. Classic fat-girl-syndrome.

At 23 years, I smoked and weight about 280 lbs. A death spiral out of control. On a path of destruction. I quit smoking and for one year stuffed myself with food to pacify my compulsive needs.

At 24 years old, I joined Weight Watchers with my parents. I could barely fit in the auditorium seat for the meetings. My weight was 340 pounds and I was wearing the largest size at Lane Bryant. I was devastated – I had no idea how I got to these numbers. Below is my badge photo for work. I look like Jabba the Hut. I hate this photo of me, but I keep it to remind me how hard I worked. I know I don't look like this anymore, but I feel this way some days. And many days I still see that person in the mirror. Body image is hard to get over.

I starved myself for months and lost 40 lbs + with Weight Watchers and my parents' support. Yes, I starved myself. I was on a 900 calorie a day diet. I followed Weight Watchers on my own with the info I needed to continue to lose weight. And in the next five years, I had lost 120 lbs. total. I had met my goal: wear a "normal" size. I wore a size 18, could shop just about anywhere, I tucked in clothes and even wore a belt. I felt great. But it didn't last.

I have gained 60 pounds, lost 40. Gained 40, lost 25. The vicious cycle continues. I've joined Weight Watchers over 5 times. I've never met my "goal weight" according to them. I never will. But what I will do is meet my goal this time.

Now is the time to finally get the rest of the weight off. I can't fool anyone anymore with my height advantage. I am too heavy and even though I have accepted how I look and feel, my heart has not. God knows what else is ticked off inside me. My blood pressure was 146/98 a month ago. It was as embarrassing as the 340 lbs number. It was the kick in the ass I needed.

According to the American Heart Association, at this rate in 10 years, I have a 11x chance of having a stroke if I continue to live the way I do. I have a 4.6x risk of having a heart attack and 3.1x risk of heart failure or kidney disease.

This is the road ahead if I continue my lifestyle. No more. My journey begins. With the help of Weight Watchers, co-workers, family and friends – I'll make it another decade. I can't wait.